born from the earth return to the earth return to the soil pumped up as oil born from the dirt return to the dirt my hands are pale and i see the grit in my nails

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in the trees i am nobody in the trees time waits for me i am still and silent enveloped by the present time becomes dense the now consumes my senses in the trees i live inside a dream in the trees i am free from my body free from my body free for eternity

and my weakness is defined by the darkness and the light of the planet spinning away from the sun and if i walked out in the cold i would surely not get old find my body, frozen, still, and undone and i yearn for some great force to offer some kind of recourse return the heat that has seeped from my molten core but i am cold and i am tired the days have dampened my great fire and i feel the snow on my face as i walk through the door

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descending a hill smothered in fog the waves of noise coalesce into a great silence the waves of mist descend into a great clarity i breathe it in and my muscles cage my heart in a shroud of pain and i float beneath the fog and in another world i drove all night disappearing into the fog to the mountain

from the top of the mountain the air is clear i can see the whole world from up here the dawn and the evening are simultaneously near and in the overwhelming sight, i have no fear so i rest

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and i long to feel the warmth that can thaw the ice up north til then i'm buried in the snow and there is no where else for me to go i'd like to feel warm arms wrapped round my chest and the sun will break over the seas out west and we will feel the heat caressing our backs and feel the tension drain and our muscles relax as the trees sway softly in the gentle breeze letting the sunlight shimmer as the forest breathes like the glint in our eyes that melts the world away making our temporary nature feel okay will i ever feel the warmth that can thaw the ice up north til then i'm buried in the snow and there is no where else for me to go

there was a moment last winter where i realized that i no longer enjoyed the music in my life that the magic was gone and the joy with it too i laid in my bed i had no clue what to do all the feelings, thoughts, and fears built up over the last 3 years are magnified, intensified and they become dead weight they sink down from my brain down my throat, through my chest now i am tired oh i am tired i went to the beach in december 2017 i went to record the waves crash and revive some part of me i drove the whole morning to reach the coast listening to talk talk, anco, and the microphones the mountains and the freeways coalesced into one i was alone and content and happy to be alive my anxiety washed away in the incessancy of the waves i felt my feet on the earth from a trillion miles away i saw a mom and her children playing in the surf and an older couple waking methodically on the sand i took field recordings of the beach and did a few vocal takes i found a sacred place in the trees the sun shone through the leaves i stood there and prayed, which i rarely can ever do peace... on the way back home, I stopped to see my friends everyone was there, for the first time in a while there's cosmic purity in the way our times collides and we group hugged inside the grocery store peace... The next day i went home to my mom, dad, and dog and we went to eastern washington to silent hills and planes there's cosmic purity in the way our time collides and peace in the cold air over lake roosevelt i hold these thoughts and experiences in my head i cannot reconcile the fact that they'll be gone when im dead i cannot reconcile the fact that my life ends someday that this flow of thoughts and actions is fleeting, receding in the great purposelessness, we all float on our own we struggle to define ourselves, to carve something out and make our time worthwhile what little of it we have and i lay awake in bed breathing slow, deep, and tired and i yearn for some answer from above oh from the sky oh i am tired if death is truly the end of everything that we know and we're floating on a rock in the middle of the great unknown tossed into endless cycles of birth, life, and death thrown into the blankness with our first breath wiped into the nothing by the largeness of space and the constant flow of time then our lives truly lack meaning in the face of cosmic silence and we are so alone and we can yell as loud as we can writing songs, making art raising kids, working hard building love and friendships using numbers and reason to unlock the laws that exist underneath our whole world but the noise will dissipate and i suppose that leaves me free to determine my own life to project meaning where there is none and purpose where it's blank so my small flash of life might seem bright in my mind and i can feel peace when i wake up in the morning, to the nothing and i look through the ceiling at the sky overhead and i wonder is there a place in the sky that we can call our home where we go when we die where we won't be alone where our family, friends, and our childhood dogs will be waiting for us to join in their fog and we'll descend to the earth and collect over lakes blow out to the ocean where the waves softly break we'll condense into water and drop in the sea rippling through time, on the waves, eternal? peace and we'll evaporate to air and ascend to the sky blow through the mountains and the valleys dark and wide and we'll see every inch of what this earth has to bare rippling through time on the sea, on the air so i long to stand in the mountains and feel air roll over me and be reminded that im a log adrift in a mighty sea and in the face of impermanence im reminded that i exist that i float through this world like a sparrow in the mist that my wings can take me anywhere within this bank of fog that my wings define my time before i join the endless fog pacific air engulf me pacific sky consume me pacific air reduce me pacific sky release me so i fly through the fog and i search for a home in this space